Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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