He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
