I wanna bring you to show and tell
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Boobs are out for the taking
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
