Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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