I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
