I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
