We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
