since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
