yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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