those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
