my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
