We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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