I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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