You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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