bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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