dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
