I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
