you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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