I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
