Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize