Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I can't turn off my feet"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
