Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
