im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
