So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
