If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize