i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
