I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
