She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
