I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
