im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
