I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
