Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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