I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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