That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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