i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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