He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
