I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
