you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
