I wish I could punch you in the face.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Randomize
