I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
