He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
