Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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