Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You were trust falling into bushes
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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