I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
