Dual....:-)
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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