proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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