My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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