yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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