he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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