do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
