Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
