She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
