I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
