it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
did you just send me my own nude
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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