Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
