Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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