He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
