I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
