Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
