Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
