She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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