i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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you are never too drunk for berry picking
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We were destined to go to rehab together
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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