He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
