drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
