these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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