Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Randomize
