I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
